O.P.C.T.

O the joy of federal car license place thingies. Crabby old men, more old men who don't speak English, and nervous children ready to break down and cry at the first sign of trouble. It's just enough to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well I recently had the HONOR of trying to get my license today. It had to be the 5th most wonderful thing I've done in my life. First I walk in dramatically, slowly remove my aviator glasses, look around before setting my eyes on a man who seriously needs to go to Disney World. He had the audacity to ask if he could help me. That's when I lost control of the situation. I kind of murmur "yes" then give him my papers. He asks if I'm ready. Heh, like I had a choice. So I walk out the door with him, I even held the door open for the dude, and we proceed to the silver car that would determine my future. We get in... I notice he smells kinda funky... I put on the seat belt, adjust the mirrors, and then finally start the car. I back out without killing someone and leave. All's going well until a certain intersection. I go across but just then an elderly woman steps out onto the road. Well I didn't want to stop in the intersection so I inch forward as the lady walks by in slow motion, I'm still 10 feet away from her, when suddenly the crabby, weird smelling man says "YOU'RE CROWDING HER!! GEEEZ WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!! THAT WAS AN OLD LADY EVEN!!" I mutter I wasn't going to hit her, but he says I was intimidating her, I say I didn't want to stop in the middle of the road, he said I should have stayed at the stop sign, I said I didn't see her at the stop sign, he says I should pay attention. By then I decided to just shut up before I fail all together. The rest of the time he just glares and I drive without another word. When it's over he tells me I 'I BARELY pass"... the nerve of me trying to hit a pedestrian. An old lady none the less. I just stared at him with my aviator sunglasses. Seemed to shut him up, and I merrily left with a new license. As they say in some other language "हे व्हो वोर्क्स अत उन्हाप्प्य प्लेस फंड्स ब्रोकोली इन एअर."