Tetonic Palates

Paradise is where you can take a swim anytime you want, live on a green beautiful field blanketed in a rainy day, have the peace and quiet of a home, and order pizza all in the same breath. Yeah I've been to paradise and it is oh so sweet. I've been in Utah. Okay, okay, Utah is not what paradise is but it came close for a week. Have you ever taken pictures with a random person walking down the side walk? Ever use a PB&J sandwich for Frisbee? Ever give someone a gift just because you can? Its all fun and games for a week my friends. Yet there was no caffeine so I cannot and will not live there. ANYWAY, Rumpelstiltskin was at the laundry mat and he couldn't fit his whites all in one washer so he had to purchase another washer only to have an Old Windbag come and take his quarters with a traffic cone tied to her head. With a quick jab of her highly visible cone Rumpelstiltskin went flying into 3 bears and quickly lost his wallet and dignity with one swift motion. Not seeing how the day could get any worse he ended up becoming a street dancer. He and the Robot Man in San Francisco then monopolized the street performing business and became multimillionaires. MORAL: even though things look bad right now its never too late to turn things around. Keep it up baby. Peace out. Kiss kiss, hug hug, little kiss, little hug, big hug, semi-large kiss.

Going Under

Can I get a "hoopla" for wisdom teeth?! So today I left to get those teeth way in the back of my head removed. We at first thought I only had three but apparently a itsy bitsy fourth one was in there. So I first walk in, sit down, and read Time magazine. Which, ironically, was about how insurance may not pay for anything anymore. Really soothing there secrectary ladies, whoever put that there needs a raise. As soon as I was called back I got to sit in a dentist chair and here every worst case senario played out. First they said how I might choke and die, how I could lose all feeling in my face if they touch a certain nerve (more on that later), how I could get a new hole connecting to my nose, and how I'll probably be in tons of pain afterward. I suddenly had the desire to run out the door but I couldn't act scared in front of my mom. I'd never live it down. Besides, what was the worst that could happen? Psh. Then I was latter moved to another room, hooked up to a gazillion wires and told to sit down. I became interested in the gentle beeping that was my heart beat so I tried several different tactics to make it slower or faster. I made the alarm go off when I stopped breathing so I had to quickly behave again. I made small talk and such. When the time came to get the IV my heart rate shot up when I was pushed down and had my arm tied up tight. I quickly calmed myself as the needle was stabbed into me and the assistant started dripping the medicine in. They gave me a nice little blanket and I started to notice that my heart rate was now at 51. Bam. Lights out. Now I'll have to tell you what happened from Blake Jackson's perspective.
Apparently I sat in the chair as the nurse was giving post operative instructions and I kept sticking my finger in my mouth and making horrified faces to discover blood. While still sitting down, I asked those around me where my tongue went. At one point I stuck my tongue out and tried to look for it, making a noise of some distressed animal. As soon as they put me in the wheel chair I made a cheesy grin and tried to wheel myself out of there, and said "oooh!"(think monkey). I was quickly stopped and wheeled out by the nurse lady person. She and my mom and brother stuffed me into the car, where I began a discourse of unidentifiable words... and at one point singing "Bring On the Rain". I continually kept rediscovering that my mouth was bloody, and was shocked every time. Apparently I also kept demanding to hold the cell phones, taking pictures and video of myself as well. Then I woke up and I hurt like the left side Harvey Dent's face. I thought I felt alright when we stepped into Sam's Club. I stood there listening to a man selling knives for 10 minutes and I still don' t understand a word he said. I think he was cutting a hammer. Anyway I put my head down for a bit and before I knew it I had blood gushing out of my nose and mouth! I collected it in my hand as a woman quickly walked past in horror. I tried to smile, looking like I just ate a rabbit raw, and looked over at my mom. I was rushed out before I knew what was happening then spewed blood all over my shirt. It was great. So even now as I write this my mouth is STILL numb and I can't sneeze because of a hole in my sinuses. All in all it's been a GREAT day! Lechiam!