Monday, March 30, 2009


What do u do when you think no one's watching?? What do you do when you're bored and you think no one is watching? I think this could be a great scientific study. Lock people in a white room with nothing but a chair and desk and tell them to wait for awhile. Have secret cameras installed and presto! You have a new hit reality TV show. While today I finished a test early I realized I forgot to bring a book. So I had to entertain myself for 30 minutes without making too much noise. I put my pencils in my shoes (that made things awkward when I had to empty my shoes so I could start the 2nd part of the test), I made a song up in my head (it's copyrighted you can't have it), and tried counting all the tiles on the gymnasium's ceiling (326). When I finally looked around I found out several people were looking at me as if I had an octopus sucking my brain out through my ear. This got me to wondering what other people do so I started watching other people as they waited. Some read, some make strange noises (sue me), and some just stare at nothing in particular without blinking for a few minutes. So if by some chance you're a big Hollywood producer and you read this I want a 10% cut. Peace.


Friday, March 20, 2009


O the joy of federal car license place thingies. Crabby old men, more old men who don't speak English, and nervous children ready to break down and cry at the first sign of trouble. It's just enough to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well I recently had the HONOR of trying to get my license today. It had to be the 5th most wonderful thing I've done in my life. First I walk in dramatically, slowly remove my aviator glasses, look around before setting my eyes on a man who seriously needs to go to Disney World. He had the audacity to ask if he could help me. That's when I lost control of the situation. I kind of murmur "yes" then give him my papers. He asks if I'm ready. Heh, like I had a choice. So I walk out the door with him, I even held the door open for the dude, and we proceed to the silver car that would determine my future. We get in... I notice he smells kinda funky... I put on the seat belt, adjust the mirrors, and then finally start the car. I back out without killing someone and leave. All's going well until a certain intersection. I go across but just then an elderly woman steps out onto the road. Well I didn't want to stop in the intersection so I inch forward as the lady walks by in slow motion, I'm still 10 feet away from her, when suddenly the crabby, weird smelling man says "YOU'RE CROWDING HER!! GEEEZ WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!! THAT WAS AN OLD LADY EVEN!!" I mutter I wasn't going to hit her, but he says I was intimidating her, I say I didn't want to stop in the middle of the road, he said I should have stayed at the stop sign, I said I didn't see her at the stop sign, he says I should pay attention. By then I decided to just shut up before I fail all together. The rest of the time he just glares and I drive without another word. When it's over he tells me I 'I BARELY pass"... the nerve of me trying to hit a pedestrian. An old lady none the less. I just stared at him with my aviator sunglasses. Seemed to shut him up, and I merrily left with a new license. As they say in some other language "हे व्हो वोर्क्स अत उन्हाप्प्य प्लेस फंड्स ब्रोकोली इन एअर."

Monday, March 2, 2009

Forced Smile

Often times I hear how rude people are. Yet, have you ever wondered if we aren't rude enough? When that person goes on and on with a speech even when it's 10 minutes past their time limit why doesn't somebody tell them to put a sock in it?! Or when a joke is stupid or gross why do we politely laugh? When somebody's underwear is showing why don't we tell them to cover up! Maybe rudeness isn't the word I'm looking for. Maybe we just need to be assertive. Or bodacious! Or derogatory! I like big words for some extravagant reason that is just preposterous. Ugh, I think I got Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (look it up I dare ya). Well I believe this scintillating light is giving me cephalalgia. Okay, arrivederci!